He continued to ask me out, and since I was bored and loved the attention, I kept going. Besides, what woman is going to pass up free meals from the Chart House overlooking the Potomac River and splitting that chocolate lava cake afterwards? Not this one!
After a month, I started revisiting some of the questions that I had asked early about his faith, standards, and values surrounding things like do you believe in God? Do you have Christian friends that can chin-check you when you are stepping out line? We had even discussed my purity walk and he said he supported me. As he continued to reveal more about himself.
On faith: He had told me that he wasn’t into God right now. He was just too busy to really focus on that, but he mentors a group of young men and maybe one day he will go to church with me.
On Kingdom friendships: As far as having any guys that he can talk to about relationships or life itself... He mentioned his best friend who sung in the church choir that had a woman with two other side-pieces in different parts of the U.S. BTW, this friend frequently goes to Brazil and spends mad money on women and he didn’t think there was a problem with that.
On purity (a value I hold dear): And as far as children, he said if I wanted them, he was cool with it, besides, it would be an “honor” for a woman to want to have his seed. Plus, it would be cool any way to “practice” before we get married.
Ignoring the fact he does not have the same faith, standards and values as me, I loved living in the moment. I continued to hang out with him and just the other day, I had a V8! Boop! Right up side my head. I’m crushing so hard for this guy. I need to see him every day. I get butterflies in my stomach every time he comes by my office. He brings me lunch and picks me up from work. We go to dinner, and have our cuddly time together. It is so wonderful! Aren’t you guys happy for me? I know everyone can see the glow I got going on.
The only thing that isn’t so wonderful is when our cuddle time gets all heated and my hormones start raging. I mean I am flesh and I know this celibacy walk ain’t easy but I’m just saying, a sista can still get the tingling feeling, you know where.
DESTINY DECISION TIME! Do I stay in this relationship knowing we differ on things that are important to me?
I see smoke y’all! I need to get out before I get burned!
My step-mom always told me, “Stephanie, don’t hang out with a guy just to be hanging out with him, because next thing you know, Boop! Love will hit you before you know it and now you’ve fell in love with a crackhead”. I always wondered why she would say that to me before I went out on a date. I guess she was just making sure that I stuck to my faith, standards, and values. So many of us ignore the red flags in the beginning because we are in this whirlwind of excitement that we haven’t had in a while. It’s like a breath of fresh air has come into our lives and we don’t want to let it go.
My stepmother’s reminder made me think, what are your “non-negotiables”? I’m not talking about looks. I’m talking about the foundation. It’s like when you are baking a cake – you need key ingredients to make the cake rise to the occasion. It needs to be moist and flavorful. If it’s missing any important ingredient well, you done messed up the cake! The icing is the extra topping because really, if you are good at making a cake, the icing isn’t really necessary for it to be tasty. It just adds a little more oomph, if you know what I mean.
Now think of your dating experience as a cake. Your faith, standards and values is your foundation when choosing to date a person. If you overlook or substitute an important part of your foundation, then the relationship is not going to survive. The icing is your surface stuff-- the looks, height, weight, the number of children, etc. No matter how good the icing is, you would still say, “that cake was dry or bland…it was missing something.” Don’t give up on your non-negotiables. Stick to them.
Stay true to yourself and have faith. Be patient and let God continue to be your Head Pastry Chef. James 1:14 says “Everyone is tempted by his own desires as they lure him away and trap him. Don’t make your own recipe and hope that the icing will be so good that you won’t think about how bad the cake really is. “And whatever you ask for in prayer, having faith and [really] believing, you will receive.” (Matthew 21:22, AMP) Follow the recipe that God has given you to make a good cake. You won’t be disappointed!